Sunday, January 4, 2009

Is he real?

I woke up this morning with D spooning me, his arms wrapped around me. All I could do was wonder how I got so lucky. How did I become so fortunate as to find this man just when I needed him. After such a disasterous marriage I was so desperate to feel like I was deserving of love. I just wanted to know that someone out there cared for me as much as I cared for them. And I even though I wanted it so much, I had given up on finding it. And then there he was.

We took our time waking up. We'd look at each other, then doze off again. The cat came and cuddled us for a little while. Finally I was fully awake, and I watched him. I looked at his profile while he slept. I thought about how handsome he is, and still wondered at the fact that he was with me. I love that he wants to be with me, he wants to make the long drive here every other weekend to spend time with me. I love that when we're snuggled up watching a movie he'll kiss my cheek or forehead for no other reason than wanting to.

At one point he stirred and looked at me. I asked if he wanted some coffee and he said yes. I started to get up to make it but he pulled me back toward him. He may have wanted a cup of coffee but he wanted me next to him even more.

We haven't actually said "I love you" to each other yet, and as much as I would adore hearing him say that, he shows me in other ways. I know he cares about me. I also understand that he is having a hard time dealing with his sister's cancer and being so far away from his family while she is so sick. So I just try to be there when he needs to talk about it. What else can I do? I love him, and I wish I could fix her, but I can't. All I can do is listen, and not give him the same old cliche remarks that people say in these situations. Afterall, I know first hand that they don't make you feel better.

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