Epiphany.

After my fibromyalgia class (I think of it as a class, I'm learning a new way of life) today I had a huge epiphany. I used to be extremely athletic. I loved volleyball, I lived and breathed it. It was my passion. I was an athlete through and through. So whenever a doctor would get on me about excersising I would think "ok, I know how to excersise!" And I would go out and do volleyball drills, lift weights, and run. And then I would be in so much pain that I could barely move for the next week. I'd get depressed and discouraged. Eventually I just thought "I guess I can't excersise anymore."

Today I realized that I have to stop thinking about it as training. I'm recovering. Recovering is harder than training in every way. Its definately harder physically, as well as mentally and emotionally. I didn't think of my physical therapy after my shoulder surgery as training. I was trying to get better. They started me off small, then built on that once I gained more mobility and strength. This is no different. I can't jump in the deep end and expect to swim.

For the first time in years I have hope of getting better and getting back into shape. It might take a long time, and I'll probably have setbacks. But that's ok. I'm learning the skills I'll need to bounce back from those setbacks. I'm learning how to get better.