Friday, June 5, 2009

Handbook for anyone who shops or banks.

So I had this up on a myspace blog that I later had to delete and didn't think to save it. Basically its a guide for anyone who uses any sort of service. Mainly, if you are ever a customer, read this. Some of these are things that friends added. I will try to remember as many as I can.

*I do not remember you. I help 100 people a day, and I'm supposed to remember you after one visit? I don't think so.

*If I do remember you its probably because you were an asshole.

*Swearing at me will probably get you the exact opposite of whatever it is you want.

*I don't get paid enough to deal with your shit, don't treat me like crap.

*I don't need your life story, and to be perfectly honest, I don't care.

*You saying "I'll never shop here again!" is never going to break my heart.

*When at the produce section of the grocery store and the clerk cuts something for you to sample, don't leave the pit or skin on someone eles' future tomatoes. No one wants your spit up crap on their food.


*Fully exhale your cloud of toxic smoke before entering my establishment. In fact, in some states you shouldn't be smoking within 25 of the door anyway. Keep that smelling shit that makes me cough outside.

*Don't ask me out......ever.

*Don't undress me with your eyes......ever.

*I'm not afraid to call the cops on you.

*When we say "This is a one time thing." We mean it. You don't get to do it next time.

*There is a trash can for a reason. I'm not your maid, your wife, or your mother.

*Keep your brat of your kid under control. I'm not your babysitter.

*If your little hell spawn hurts himself while doing something he shouldn't be, I will have to try very hard to contain my laughter.

*Don't leave comment cards with comments about my anatomy.

*No one works in customer service because they enjoy it. Have you ever thought that maybe my company just has really good benefits that keep there? I am not happy to see you, but I'll try to pretend.

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