I came home today and Brian (my soon to be exhusband who I am living with for another month, long story) said that our neighbor had committed suicide yesterday. Brian looked pretty upset about it. All I could think was how dare you be upset! He put me through hell with his suicide attempt, I would think he'd be happy for Gary.
Ok, that's pretty twisted I realize this. But come on! Brian didn't even want to get help afterward. The only reason he did was because I said I would leave him if he didn't do something. I ended up leaving anyway. The last 8 months before I told him I was done were some of the worst in my life. And he has the nerve to be upset over this guy killing himself?? If he wants to be upset be upset for his wife!! In a few days I am going to stop by and let her know my story and that I am here if she wants to talk.
If this woman was half as miserable in her marriage as I was in mine then I truly feel for her. Even more if this was all a suprise to her. Part of me knew that day that I got a call at work that Brian had been taken to the hospital that he had hurt himself somehow. And I was right. I really realized how unimportant I was to him that day. To me there is no more selfish act.
Obviously I am still angry and bitter over the whole thing. Who wouldn't be? There are days that I wish he had been successful. At least then I would have been taken care of for the rest of my life. I would have military widow's benefits plus his life insurance. That would have been the nicest thing he ever did for me.